I skipped work to stalk him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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