i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Randomize
