I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize