i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
