Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
These tits shall not be calmed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
