If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Mom said you looked used
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
