so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
