Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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