I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
