The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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