there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
