I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
