I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
