my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize