D3 body, D1 cock
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
and you fell through a lawn chair
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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