Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You've changed since you got that strap on
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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