I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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