i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize