i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize