his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
