We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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