It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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