he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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