I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it's like heaven, but drunker
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
