it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
