How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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