why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
