I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
