White coat. Heels.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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