Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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