Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
