I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
