so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
