I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
