i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
