I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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