You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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