He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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