she woke up with a sticky ear
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
