Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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