I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
