Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize