first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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