It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
