I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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