You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
