im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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