Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
