i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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