guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
