I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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