you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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