He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
