Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
