you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
