Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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