I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
