I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
