Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
