remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
