The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
