well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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