no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
