im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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