A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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