I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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