Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
