the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
