thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
