I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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