Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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