I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I deserve this hangover.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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