It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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