You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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