I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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