then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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