In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
